I want this so bad

That it hurtssss

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Those things tend to get me in trouble. Apparently, leaving them scattered around the house is a bad idea. I only meant for them to be on patrol! I didn't know they would injure feet!
Anyways, good luck getting your men.

Sadly I don't celebrate Christmas so I'm never getting these badass little army men.
Even if I did I probably wouldn't get any.

I recall when I used to combine these guys with Pokemon cards and shiny green beer bottles.
Good times, man.

I was one of the uncreative, bratty children that just tortured them in the microwave when my parents weren't around.

I preferred to inflict my cruel and unusual punishments upon my knockoff Barbies instead. These army men are far too precious.

I love those! My brother has like eons of them, and I always trip on them and it hurts. LOL.

From where does he obtain these wonderous little men?
I must know. I ventured into the dollar store in search for them once, but my efforts proved to be fruitless since everything worth buying is so damn expensive nowadays.

I find them at the dollar store all the time. I used to have tons of them in a box somewhere, but sadly my brother took them when he was old enough for them. Now we don't have them because he outgrew them. I have one in my locker at school. We played monopoly in social studies and used them as our characters. I had a green one :]

I once found a nice set of them made of metal in some type of museum that my fifth grade class visited back when I was cool. Now those were nice! I bought one for my dearest baby brother.
Now to jump back onto the topic. Thrift stores have everything. Stay away from Goodwill though. They charge too much for stuff.

Metal?
I take it that it would hurt like hell were someone to step on one of them.
I'm so excited.

Never have I been to a thrift store.
They're all in the centre of the city; according to my mom, such places are infested with evil hobo men that will snatch you away in the midst of night and train you to tend to their lice farm.
Now that's not so bad but I'm not capable of driving.

You poor creature. I share your pain. Alas, I cannot drive either.

To clear up some misconceptions though, thrift stores are magical places. They are filled with elderly ladies and gentlemen who give you nickels for carrying bags out to their cars for them. I can generally make fifty cents a day.

I don't look very trustworthy and I'm known to set a bad example for children of all ages.
I doubt they'll entrust their bags to me even if I asked.

"My God, child," the gentleman exclaimed, "what is that horrid thing clinging to your little head?"

"That is my face, dear sir," I answered truthfully.

‘FFS GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME," he screamed, struggling to propel himself away at the fastest rate possible. "HERP DERP HERPITTY DERP!"

The above exchange didn't actually take place, of course, but it was all cleverly insinuated.

Perhaps you should move to my area, where all those not morbidly obese or a member of the bovine family are considered stunning by default.
Now that I think about it though, what I said was unnecessary and flat out callous. I should probably calm myself before continuing on.

Have you ever tried carrying a kitten around? They tend to make children seem more trustworthy (except, of course, to those who have allergies). On occasion though, they have been known to give their carriers the air of an evil villain.

My advice is never of any value and now I've completely trailed off topic.

So, how has your search gone thus far?